There Isn't a Process, and That's the Point
Every coaching and healing site tells you the same story without saying a word.
I know who you are. I know where you want to go. And, I know what you have to fix before you get there.
It's written into their structure. It's got the testimonials and the numbered modules and the button that says you can book a free discovery call. There's an underlying story. It says if you just follow my process, your life will be magical.
Granted, some sites are way out front with it, and some bury it on page three, but you know to scan for it. I know to scan for it. It's like we're reading a restaurant menu that tells us what's available for dinner.
We are trained to think that there's a magic key to get us out of wherever we found ourselves.
Nobody questions it. A process sounds competent. It sounds rigorous. It's the shape we expect coaching to take.
I don't have a process.
I won't fake one to make you more comfortable.
I don't want to make promises I can't fulfill.
Because I know what you know. No one can guarantee how something is going to turn out.
I can brandish my training. I could define a process to sell you on my competence. All that noise would just be bragging and guessing into the ether.
I don't know who you are and I don't know where you want to go.
You are not a machine with a broken part. There are no blueprints for you.
You and I could walk into the same room and face different challenges and find different things astonishing.
A universal process that pretends otherwise is a well-dressed guess.
So, with all of that mess as a warm up, what do I know?
Since 2016, I've studied clinical therapeutic processes, experienced shamanic practices, and deepened my understanding of how trauma impacts our lives.
I've lived and looked into the reality of not having a "normal" brain.
What I offer is relationship.
More specifically, a relationship with someone who walks their own flavor of this path toward making themselves seen and heard.
That’s it.
The whole shebang. There’s no curriculum or method. It’s you and me connecting with one another.
It feels ridiculous even as I type it.
Five years ago, I would have scoffed at the gall of someone even suggesting that to me.
I couldn't have told you what "being seen" meant. I wouldn't have believed you if you'd said it could change your life. I would have left the room or shut down if someone directed that kind of attention my way.
But it turns out that being seen accurately, by someone who isn't trying to fix you, manage you, or move you toward a predetermined outcome, is where the work happens.
That's not a promise about where you'll end up. It's a description of how the work moves, and a belief I'll carry on your behalf. The difference is I won't pretend to know what it shifts in you.
And I know not everyone will feel safe without a plan. Wanting a plan or choosing a different way is OK.
So, here’s what I do.
I act as a sounding board. I’ll offer words to define your obstacles. I'll hold up a mirror to your experience, your responsibilities, the places where the world is running you over.
And if necessary, I’ll hold the belief that you are whole and capable until you can hold it for yourself.
The work is about answering questions that don’t come with an answer key:
How do you want to walk in the world?
What supports you?
What drains you?
How do you ‘work’ in an inhospitable world?
What can you do to keep from drowning when the world keeps swamping your system?
And the harder question: do you actually have the capacity to sit and be seen for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing person you are?
I spent four years trying to make this website say something it couldn't say. The frustration had a name, it just took a while to find it: I was trying to fit a relationship into a process-shaped container. It kept not fitting because it isn't a process. The absence is the offer.
There isn't a process, and that's the point.
If something here is landing for you, I'd invite you to learn more about Listening Forward Conversations.
